


The way in

by Trojie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bodyswap, Dream Sex, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Other, Sharing a Body
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-05
Updated: 2013-12-05
Packaged: 2018-01-03 12:56:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1070702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trojie/pseuds/Trojie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucifer hunts a long time to track down Sam Winchester, his perfect vessel. To find him, he has to use a few other bodies along the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The way in

**Author's Note:**

> This is a very not nice fic at all. Emotional hurt, creepy comfort, open ending. Dubious consent. Possession. Dream sex. Vague mentions of child abuse. Written for my 2013 hurt-comfort bingo card, prompt "body/mindswap". Beta-read by AlexisJane, to whom much love for calming my flail!

When Lucifer is unbound, his vessel is not waiting for him. It's inconvenient, but not an insurmountable problem. There are other humans that can house him, even if they don't quite fit the way he needs. They'll do for now. He slides into the closest human - a crying girl - that'll manage without exploding. She's sweet and easy, her name is Stella, and he tells her that she's a star, just like he is. He tells her that they're meant to be, that he can punish the wicked man that hurt her, and she lets him in, all sweet and easy. 

The truth tastes delicious. Lucifer licks Stella's tormentor's blood off her mouth where it's flecked, and savours it. His first taste, almost first bodily sensation, in millenia, and it's sad that it isn't in his true body, but he can't say that it's bad. 

Stella cries. This isn't what she wanted (except it is) - she didn't mean it like this (yes she did, deep down). She didn't think it would _feel_ like this (that isn't Lucifer's problem). He doesn't like her whining, so he pushes her down until she shuts up, rides her as far as he can, pushes her as hard as he can, but she can't hold him for very long. She's not made for someone as powerful as him.

So he finds another just-good-enough, a young boy called Peter with bruises in places the social workers don't look, who just wants to escape the life he's living, and Lucifer can do that. He leaves Stella for Peter. It's like abandoning one too-small container for another, but it will have to do.

Peter likes the running at first, loves the feeling of freedom and power, but he tires quickly, frightens easily, sobs when Lucifer gets on bus after bus after bus, crossing three state lines to escape the boy's keepers and find what he's looking for. Peter wants to sleep and Lucifer doesn't have time, wants food that he doesn't need, and Lucifer is in too much need to coddle him. And Peter's flesh slowly burns away around Lucifer, which isn't ideal or convenient. It must hurt, too, but it isn't as if Peter's a stranger to pain, and Lucifer needs him, so he stays on board. He rides the boy in the same way he makes the boy ride the buses. 

After enough time in Peter that he's feeling cramped and about ready to burst, Lucifer finally finds Nick. 

Nick is strong. Not strong enough for the final battle, but strong enough that Lucifer won't have to keep bodyhopping if only he can persuade Nick to take him in. He can stop this distracting game of switching and swapping and go _hunting_ instead, searching properly for his true vessel, for Sam Winchester, if Nick will carry him. Nick draws him like a moth to a flame. Nick _hurts_ inside. Oh, he keens pain out into the heavens and even if he weren't a potential vessel Lucifer wouldn't be able to leave that alone. He is an angel, after all. It's his purpose, to end suffering.

The dead wife, the murdered child, the rivers of blood - Lucifer barely has to do a thing. And Nick wants to die, and can't. Lucifer can't help but reach out to him. It takes a dream of a familiar smile, a soft voice, a careful promise, and Nick's _yes_ echoes with _please_. Nick will carry him willingly.

Lucifer climbs on board and settles in, and lets Nick drown in the depths. It's a kindness. And the act of soothing Nick soothes something in Lucifer's own breast, something that has ached for a long time, naked and alone in the Cage and longing to be complete again. But Nick won't hold him forever, so Lucifer has to keep searching.

It's hard to find Sam Winchester, but their minds are drawn to each other, and it's easy to find a body to slide into in Sam's dreams.

This girl, this body, is tall and slender and beautiful and Sam adores her down to his bones, so deeply it's a part of his makeup, endlessly and namelessly and instinctively. She was torn away from him but he hasn't let her go, because Sam doesn't let things go. She burns every night in his sleep and he won't stop witnessing it. Because he loves her, and it hurts him more to think he might forget her than it does to keep reliving the fact that he was too late to save her life. 

Lucifer wants to give this boy _everything_ , so he starts by giving him this, plucking out the looped recollection of death and instead lying in bed with Sam in his subconscious and letting Sam hold his lover one more time, as Lucifer wears the likeness of her meat. He runs a long, elegant hand through Sam's hair and something in him loves how it makes Sam murmur and cuddle closer. And then it's no great step to admire the body that's going to be Lucifer's one day - to look at it, naked under sheets in this stiflingly-warm memory of Sam's, to touch it, because it's a work of art and Lucifer's greatest pleasure was always to admire the perfection of the things his Father made. 

The slow caresses wake Sam up from the sleep-within-a-dream, and it must be similar enough to some memory of his that he doesn't realise, keeps floating, following the script his mind has ready-prepared, and touches Lucifer in return. Lucifer enjoys it. It's closeness with his vessel - how could he not? So when it seems appropriate, Lucifer spreads the smooth, beautiful legs of this body and lets Sam slide into him, gives Sam the physical comfort that he's been yearning for, that he still remembers so strongly as coming from this body that Lucifer is wearing.

And Lucifer learns from this, learns so much in this half-dark, too-warm memory, carding his fingers still through Sam's hair as Sam touches him, pushes him down into the mattress and wraps their bodies together. Sam isn't gentle with his lover. He's rough in passion, hard and honest and unforgiving in taking as much as he gives, and in his memory the girl gave as good as she got. She was strong enough to take him, she wanted him with as much ferocity as he wanted her. She was worthy, and so it makes her a good body for Lucifer to wear like this. 

Sam thrusts into the body Lucifer is wearing, and it feels good, to take him like this. This body is so compatible with Sam's - sensation courses through nerve-endings and Lucifer can't help but imagine what it will be like when they're truly one. 'Yes,' Lucifer breathes into Sam's ear, curling long fingernails into the skin of his shoulders, sinking in in his own way, beneath the skin. 'Please,' he moans, shaken by their joining. This is, he imagines, what it's going to feel like when Sam says _yes_ to him, when Lucifer takes him, swells in him, is come to full power in him. 

Lucifer keens Sam's name at the body's peak, and knows that when Sam says yes to him, that's how it will feel. Orgasmic.

He doesn't realise it now but this is the only time he will get to do this. 

The next time Lucifer takes the form of Sam's lost lover, he moves too fast. As soon as he tells Sam who he is, Sam threatens him, threatens _himself_ , with death, as if that would deter any archangel from joining with his true vessel, let alone Lucifer. It's almost funny. Sam will say yes eventually, of course he will, how could he not? It's like rejecting his own heart - he won't be able to do it for too much longer. But sadly now he's wise to the dream-sharing, and there's no more enjoying each other's body-space even subconsciously. Sam won't let himself touch.

It's a shame. They were good together, Lucifer thinks, insofar as he's any judge. Deprived still of Sam, he stays in Nick, and works on his other tasks until Sam comes around. He toys, briefly, with the idea of experiencing human pleasure in Nick's body - it wouldn't be hard to organise - but he doubts somehow that it would feel the same, and he isn't interested in substitute bodies and substitute sensations. No-one could feel like Sam. 

Of course, Sam does eventually say yes, and leaving Nick for him is the most exhilarating feeling Lucifer has ever experienced. Sam is strong enough to take him. Sam is warm inside, welcoming, thrumming with power. Sam _fits_ around him, fits like skin, where every other body fit like shackles. Sam fights it, but of course he fights it, because Lucifer would not be whole with a sheep for a vessel and so accordingly Sam is a wolf, all teeth and claws and underneath it, that desperate, bone-deep ache for a kind of belonging that only Lucifer, his true other half, can ever give him. 

Made for each other. No two of God's creations have ever been so perfectly aligned. 

Sam will not accept it. Sam rebels. Well, Lucifer knows a little about rebellion. And Sam's fire and fury and fight, they're impressive in their way but they're human. They don't even approach the scale to which Lucifer can use them. This is a storm he's happy to weather, anticipating the calm to come on the other side.

Lucifer waits it out. Sam's tears are of anger when they come. Sam doesn't fear. Sam doesn't despair. Sam _rages_. Sam spits bile and brimstone and poison every time Lucifer ungags him. But he does weep nonetheless, and he does want solace, somewhere in his heart, and he can't hide that from Lucifer. 

'Shhh,' Lucifer tells Sam gently, drawing up the memory of an embrace they've both felt and wrapping it around him. 'Shhh,' he murmurs in her voice. Jess's voice. Sam's lover was called Jess. He knows that now, now that he has all the memories at his disposal and not just the impressions of the subconscious mind. Jess's phantom arms are warm around Sam, Lucifer can feel them too through Sam's thoughts. He almost wishes that he could be the one to hold Sam through this, in that physical way that he once thought was less real, ephemeral compared to being united the way they are. 

If Lucifer could take another body, Jess's body that Sam adores so much, and use it to convince Sam to surrender to him fully, he would. But all he can do is wear her flesh in dreams. It will have to do.

'Get out of my head,' Sam spits at him, through the blur of his tears. 

'No can do, Sammy,' says Lucifer softly. 'I'm right where I'm supposed to be. Right where you want me. I'm here with you. I'll always be here. You don't have to be unhappy.' He says it over and over while Sam snarls and bites and cries violent tears. 'It's okay. I'm here,' he says in Jess's voice, soft and sincere. 'I'm here, baby. I'm here.'


End file.
